Morning Coffee

I do not envy celebrities
I envy grown old people

The ones who’ve watched family grow
The ones who get to go before everyone

I do not envy celebrities
Fame is just not enough

There is no amount of fame
To replace the experience of love

The way my husband looks at me
The way my daughter calls my name

That makes me feel important
Like I am my own celebrity

I do not envy the wealthy
Money is just not enough

You cannot pay to relive the past
It is not a remedial experience

Therefore money is not enough
I cannot use it to go back in time

Mom’s kisses were enough payment
For me to live a life filled with love

Filled to the brim, like a rich person
Only my wealth is in the form of love

I envy the old men and women
Who watch their families grow

Experiencing new life, weddings and more
The joys that come with a fully lived life

They have a secret
The happiest, luckiest

They have experienced pain
That is why they smile so bright

I understand this now
Having lost my mother

She was everything to me
The love of my life for sure

She called me hers
Life was good then

I held on to her
During her death

I kissed her forehead
Let her know I was okay

I did not believe it then
It took her finding me

It took her spiritual presence
To keep me from joining her

How could I give life
Knowing what I knew

Knowing the immense pain
That losing her made me feel

These days I watch my daughter
The way she would watch me

Knowing that my love is enough
Because hers transformed me

Knowing that my love is enough
To sustain her after I am gone

Knowing that my love is enough
Reverberated through my poetry

Our loved ones never leave
If they did I wouldn’t be here

I would have joined the silence
A long, long time before now

I am alive now
Life means to live

So I truly live
A meaningful life

Sharing the love
That she gave me

Reminding you, too
That they’ll never leave

Reminding you, too
That love is enough

Reminding you, too
That they are here

Reminding you, too
Because we forget

The mundane suffering makes us forget
The eternal happiness we experience

This life is but mere a pit stop
On our never ending journey

I no longer envy
Anyone but myself

Because I would not have believed it
That I would have been able to do it

To transform immense pain
To create immense pleasure

So I write to remind you
To tell you that you can

That the impossible
Is indeed possible

You will see
They tell me so

© 2019 KayNotto
All Rights Reserved-2021


    1. Thank you, though these no longer feel painful to write, I do feel catharsis in the sense of community support for this type of writing brings. Knowing I’m not alone, per se. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement!


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