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I Can’t Explain It

I can’t explain it
But I can try to

The creeping emptiness
The threat of eventual return

The way it draws my breath
Sucked right from my lungs

The longing
The despair

Knowing I can’t change it
But wishing that I could

I can’t explain it
But I can try to

Choking the words from my mouth
Hands wound tight around my neck

So I squeeze through
To try and explain

It just hurts
It just hurts

So you sit there with the pain
Allow it to fully consume you

Knowing it will pass
Praying it does soon

Because you can’t explain it
Though you really want to

To those who see you suffer
And wonder why it’s not better

To those who witness it
Helplessly unable to help

I can’t explain it
But I can try to

The unknown and the not knowing
The feeling of total incompetency

Until it’s all over
Till you’ve learned

It’s too hard to describe
Too terrifying, also

Why detail it to you, then
Only to drag you with me

Why should we both have to peril
In my dark and emptied mind

I can’t explain it
I don’t want to

To try and save you
From its grips too

I smile and shrug my shoulders
I do not mean to brush you off

I just do not know how to explain it
Sometimes I cannot try to, either

So I choose to suffer
In utter silence instead

Gasping for some new air
Until its chokehold lessens

Until I can take a breath
And reel myself in again

Day by day
Sometimes

Minute by minute
Most other times

Until I’m reminded
That I’m still here

Lucky enough to be breathing
Despite the horrible intruder

Lucky enough to see the sun
After feeling that cold darkness

Even though I can’t explain it
I will sure as hell keep trying to

© 2019 KayNotto
All Rights Reserved

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