The ultrasound technician and OB-GYN resident looked at the abstract grey-and-white image on the screen.

I chose to stare at the wall between them so that I could not read their eyes, and I wondered if the face masks made it any easier to hide the bad-news expressions.

I did not want to find out.

Baby is measuring almost exactly as estimated. Your official due date will be written on the papers. Will this be your first?”

“No,” I replied. “This will be my second, we have a three-year-old daughter at home.”

Oh that’s lovely. Congratulations, you may get yourself cleaned up, we are all done for today.”

Satisfied with the appointment, I drove to Tim Hortons for a decaf and breakfast sandwich to celebrate, and it was delicious.

That quick ultrasound appointment provided a moment of relief to the all-consuming worry that engulfs me while pregnant.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a severe sickness that I suffered from during my last pregnancy has returned too. Some days I can barely look at a smartphone or computer screen for long before wanting to be sick from the visual stimulation.

As a writer and full-time office tradesperson, my livelihood is impacted by the bodily fluctuations that come hand-in-hand with pregnancy, and some days it can be hard.

With divine timing at play, my pre-booked work holidays landed during the onset and brunt of the HG.

For two weeks I was able to relax and take care of myself as my body again grew accustomed to child-bearing.

The last couple of weeks have seen me spending mornings outside on the patio with a cup of tea, just the way my mom liked hers. She and I were so similar.

One magical experience of spiritual connection with her in 2014 saved my life and I have been happy to be here ever since discovering that it is only our bodies that die.

As I reflect on our time together I imagine her with my children and am reassured by our eternal connection and constant communication.

Writing has been a passion of mine since childhood. I am pleased to offer a written extension of myself beyond the poetry that I publish (found here if interested) or the visuals on my social media page (@kaynotto).

My poetry is majorly inspired by my spiritual beliefs and mental health issues. I write them to offer community in areas of my life that I once felt truly alone. In contrast, my Instagram feed is largely inspired by nature, especially landscape and architecture, and I love to photograph my surroundings.

This blog will focus further on personal experiences and share in experiences from around the Greater Toronto Area because life is too short not to have some fun!

Welcome to my life and environment, hope you’ll stick around to explore.

© 2019 KayNotto
All Rights Reserved

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